It’s really difficult to find your footing during the early stages of a relationship. You’re both in that funny kind of limbo: you’ve established you like each other enough to be together, but don’t quite know each other enough to feel completely secure.  Unless you’ve been friends or known each other a long time, this is quite a common start to any new relationship. Even changing the dynamic from friend to boyfriend or girlfriend can throw you off kilter, as you’re getting to know and see this person in an entirely new capacity!

 

Despite what many think, the first few months can be the real test of how strong you are, or will be, as a couple. Even though it’s still the honeymoon and you’ve never argued and you’re certain it’ll be plain sailing… there’s always the issue of trust.

 

This is the thing determines the likelihood of a good solid foundation to any growing relationship. It’s important not to make the early stages a ‘trust tug-of-war’. Trust only works when it’s given, not when it’s pried or forced, and certainly not when it’s cast aside. I know it’s super tough, but I’m here to tell you: you must give this new love interest all of their freedom and all of your trust… and expect the very same in return!

 

I know it’s hard to do this when you don’t know someone as well as you’d like. Many say that trust needs to be earned…. I disagree. I say trust needs to be given on a trial basis. Earning trust infers that you have to jump through hoops to earn a right to your own freedom – that does not wash well with us women.

 

See trust as the ultimate relationship-trial. It’s a win-win really: if they treat your faith in them as it should be treated, you’ve got a decent catch! If they ruin it, misuse it or don’t take the gift seriously, then you know early on you better cast this tool back into the rusty box from whence it came.

 

Picture it this way: trust is a gift that is yours alone to give, but unlike most gifts, it’s still always yours to take back. It’s a bit like that beloved dress you have in your wardrobe. You know, your absolute favourite, the one that forces you into an hourglass and never fails… Everyone has this item; it might be jewellery, or a favourite pair of shoes. Whatever it is, it’s like giving it to a friend.

You’ve given your precious dress to a friend to wear, based on the assumption that you can rely on their care. But when you go to visit them, the dress is strewn on the floor after their night out, streaked with stains and crumpled! You naturally whip it straight back and vow never EVER to lend this beautiful dress to your careless friend again.

 

Fortunately, the stain will fade and you’ll be able to iron out the creases. But, naturally you’re going to be very reluctant to ever surrender it to another’s clutches again.

 

I’m afraid I’m here to tell you: you must! There’s always going to be a huge risk when you give up your dress, but there is also always a chance that your dress will be valued by the next person just as much as you value it yourself. There’s always the chance that a friendship, a respect and understanding for one and other, will be the product of the lend. There’s always the chance that something far more valuable than the dress itself will develop from handing it over to start with.

 

I hope you see where I’m going with this.

 

Basically, I know what it’s like when you first bag yourself a new partner. You really like them, but you can’t trust them. And hey, why should you, right? I’ll tell you why: because it’s better to place a bet on a win rather than a loss. I know it’s hard- but bite your lip when they say they’re meeting up with a very pretty friend. Breathe, send a sweet text and forget about it when they go on a night out.

 

When the trust is there, these are the things you won’t even have to think about – you’ll just do them. But for the time being; best not to start a tug-of-war, someone always ends up being dragged through the dirt in the end.